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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24067981">Things Lost in the Fire</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/trinityjoy/pseuds/trinityjoy'>trinityjoy</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Hunger Games Series - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Also posted of FF.net, F/M, Minor Character Death, Slow Burn, idk what else to put here tbh, ill probably add more here later as i remember the plot smh, katniss actually acknowledges peeta has a crush on her in this one, the capitol is full of bad people</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 19:35:59</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,226</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24067981</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/trinityjoy/pseuds/trinityjoy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Peeta Mellark was coming home today. And Katniss didn't know how she felt about it, since his coming home meant her sister was coming home in a box. AU where Katniss couldn't volunteer, and Peeta was the sole victor of the 74th Hunger Games. eventual everlark, but not for awhile.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Katniss Everdeen/Peeta Mellark</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>42</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hello!<br/>so this fic is already posted on fanfiction.net (same user), so if you would prefer to read on there, feel free to! also wanted to point that out so no one thought it was stolen :)<br/>I’m posting the first three chapters on here all at the same time, so disregard most of the author’s notes on the next two chapters. after that all author’s notes apply. I hope you enjoy the story!</p><p>original AN:<br/>so this is my first everlark work in a long time, and i kinda want to make this a multi chapter (hello? more character development, more everlark? count me in) but i only want to do it if people are interested. are people interested? let me know if you are!<br/>I hope you at least enjoy this first part!<br/>*DISCLAMER: I do NOT own the Hunger Games or its characters*</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Peeta Mellark was coming home today. And Katniss didn’t know how she felt about it, since his coming home meant her sister was coming home in a box.</p><p>	The 74th Hunger Games had been nothing but cruel to Katniss Everdeen. Her sister, Primrose, had been reaped, and there was nothing she could do about it. Then, not five minutes after, Peeta’s name was called.</p><p>
  <em>And for the boys, Peeta Mellark!</em>
</p><p>	How was Katniss supposed to wish death on the boy who saved her life not 6 years before?</p><p>	Lucky for her, she didn’t have to make the choice. It was all in the hands of 22 other kids to decide who was going to live and who was going to die. For all she knew, neither of them would come home, but she couldn’t think like that when it was her sister’s life on the line.</p><p>	The day Prim died, Katniss thought her heart had stopped instead of Prim’s. She felt her throat going raw, but couldn’t hear her or her mother’s screams and sobs. The Everdeen home had become nothing but nightmares of dead children, specifically the child that would never return to the house.</p><p>	Now she was getting dressed to go to the train station to pick up the box her sister’s body had been put in. That train would also hold the victor of the 74th Hunger Games, Peeta. Despite the fact that she didn’t want to do anything more than hide under the covers and pretend what had happened the past month had all been a nightmare, she knew she had to go. Her mother was already too far gone, and she had to move.</p><p>	After dressing herself, Katniss walked out of her seam home to the train station. Gale had come up next to her at some point in her trek.</p><p>	“How’re you holding up, Catnip?” he asked, although he had to have known the answer. Katniss had no reply except for a small shake of her head. Gale sighed, but said nothing else.</p><p>	When they got to the train station, the train hadn’t arrived yet, but the crowd awaiting Peeta’s arrival was. There had never been a crowd quite this large at the train station in a long time, not since the only previous victor, Haymitch Abernathy, came home. As she was looking around, it didn’t take long for her to find the Mellark boys. Peeta’s dad and two brothers stood there, their blond hair glinting in the sunlight, and Katniss noticed the obvious absence of Peeta’s mother. Katniss briefly turned angry. How dare she not come welcome her son home? Everyone was sure he was as good as dead the moment his name was said on that reaping stage. How dare she? But Katniss’s anger faded as she remembered her sister had to die for him to come home.</p><p>	“I’m going to help carry the box. You stay here,” Gale mumbled, then walked over to the other side of the platform where the boxcar holding bodies was usually held. And then the train pulled up.</p><p>Everyone surged forward, hoping to get close enough to see, or maybe even touch, the most recent victor. The doors opened, revealing a well-fed, well-groomed Peeta. The minute the doors opened, his blue eyes glanced up, briefly squinted, and then he raised his hand up with a smile to wave to the crowd. But Katniss looked at his eyes again, and the smile didn’t quite reach them. The smile was no more than a facade. Instead of his smile, his eyes showed grief.</p><p>They looked like her eyes. They were haunted. And then the two of them made eye contact.</p><p>Peeta stopped walking forward, and the smile dropped from his face. The hand went down, and the look in his eyes turned to utter defeat. And instead of walking to his family, Peeta slowly began to walk towards her.</p><p>Everyone turns, and Katniss hears a few gasps. And all Katniss wants to do is run and hide and pretend none of this is real, but it is, and she knows she can’t escape this. </p><p>Peeta stops when he’s about 5 feet in front of her, and Katniss swears she can see tears build up in his eyes. “I’m sorry,” he says, voice shaky. “I’m so sorry.” And all she can do is stand frozen, looking at him with wide eyes. It must become too much for Peeta, because that’s all he can say before turning around and running back into the train.</p><p>Haymitch Abernathy had just started drunkenly walking out of the train when Peeta runs back in. “You’re going the wrong way, boy,” he cackles, then laughs as if he said the most hilarious thing. And Katniss all of the sudden can’t handle it anymore. Her sister’s body be damned, Katniss turns and runs back home.</p><p>What is she going to do?</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Katniss and Peeta have their first proper conversation since the Games.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello! sorry for the long wait, it’s been a busy couple of weeks! I hope you can forgive me :)<br/>thank you all so so SO much for all your support on the first chapter! I loved reading all your reviews, and I’m glad y’all were as excited for this story as I am :)<br/>from here on out chapters will be longer (except in certain circumstances, but hopefully we don’t reach that point). I know that was something a lot of you wanted ;)<br/>as for updates, I’m currently a senior in high school with a busy schedule, so I don’t want to commit to a certain time frame. however, my goal is to update at least once every other week. I hope you guys are good with that!<br/>I have a quick question for y’all (answer if you would like): would you like to see part of this story in Peeta’s “POV” (in quotes as this story is written in third person). I’ve gone back and forth on my opinion, so I decided to let you guys decide :)<br/>without further ado, here’s chapter 2!<br/>(I also want to apologize, this may be badly written, I’m currently looking for a beta while also in the midst of applying to college. sorry!!!)<br/>(side note I’m adding much later lol - most of the games will be explained! most of it will be flashbacks or someone speaking of it. everything important will be mentioned.)<br/>*DISCLAMER: I do NOT own the Hunger Games or its characters*</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There was a knock on the door. It was soft, and Katniss wondered if it was real or if she had imagined it. But there was a second one minute after the first, so it had to have happened, right?</p>
<p>But after yesterday, seeing her sweet, innocent, perfect baby sister’s body in a box, and watching someone else come home without her, Katniss didn’t want to move. Before the body came back, she could be in denial. She could pretend it hadn’t happened, and that it was all a nightmare. But now, she has a visual reminder that she’ll never see her sister alive again.</p>
<p>Tuck your tail in, little duck.</p>
<p>Katniss cries at the little nickname she had given her sister. Katniss had tucked in her sister's shirttails not knowing what would happen to her in a few short hours. And then she hears a third knock.</p>
<p>Who the hell keeps knocking on the door?</p>
<p>Now angry, Katniss storms to the door and yanks it open. She’s surprised to find there’s not a person standing there, but instead a loaf of bread sitting in a basket outside her front door. Katniss looks around, trying to figure out how it got there, before picking it up swiftly and closing the door.</p>
<p>For a few minutes, Katniss just held the basket and stared down at it. The bread is warm, she can feel through the basket. But then she shakes her head, sets it on the table, and goes back to bed.</p>
<p>She’s not in the mood to eat.<br/>
----------------------<br/>
A few days pass and Katniss needs to get out of the house. It has too many memories, and all Katniss can smell is either Prim’s scent on her pillow or the baskets of bread that have continuously been delivered to their front door. Each one is still uneaten.</p>
<p>Katniss grabs her hunting boots and her father’s old hunting jacket before heading over to the door. While putting on the jacket, Katniss opens the door to find none other than Peeta Mellark on the other side, his fist raised to knock on the door.</p>
<p>And he has a basket of bread in his hands.</p>
<p>Peeta stares at her, eyes wide, obviously not expecting her to open the door. Soon he comes to his senses, lowering his raised fist and bringing it down to the basket. His grip on the basket tightens.</p>
<p>“I, uh…” Peeta starts, nervously trailing off. “I-I wanted to bring this to you.” Katniss looks down at the bread in Peeta’s hands, then looks back at the uneaten bread on the table behind her. She looks back to Peeta, seeing his eyes have turned down to the basket in his hands. And she didn’t understand. Why was he doing this? His being here was just another reminder that her sister was gone and never coming back.</p>
<p>“Why?” she spit at him. His eyes snapped up, frightened. Katniss felt bad for a split second, knowing Peeta was kind and obviously meant no harm. But she was too mad in the moment and too stubborn to apologize. </p>
<p>“I just...I don’t know, I just wanted to do something for you and your mom,” Peeta answers, his voice shaky. But even though his answer was kind, it only fueled Katniss’ fire. She didn’t want his pity.</p>
<p>“I don’t want your help,” Katniss hisses, her eyes narrowing. “You’ve done enough.” Peeta’s eyes widen slightly, then quickly snap back down to the ground below him. His tightened grip on the basket of bread somehow tightens further, turning his knuckles white. </p>
<p>“I...I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…” he trailed off, swallowing. “I didn’t want to hurt you. I just knew you’ve struggled in the past and, well, I don’t know…” Peeta looks down at the bread in his hands. When Katniss realizes he doesn’t mean to continue, she steps back and slams the door in Peeta’s face.</p>
<p>What she doesn’t see is Peeta flinch and walk away in defeat.<br/>
----------------------<br/>
<em>If you lay a hand on her and you come home, I’ll be sure to kill you myself.</em><br/>
----------------------<br/>
Katniss wakes up the next day to yet another knock at her door. She gets out of bed fuming, and stomps over to the door and throws it open. But instead of seeing a blond boy, she finds the basket with the bread he meant to give it to her yesterday and a burnt loaf on the ground next to it. And it’s the same type of bread he gave her all those years ago.</p>
<p>If she was angry before, all she could see was red now.</p>
<p>She grabbed her father’s jacket and slammed the door behind her. The sun was high in the sky, so Katniss thought it was safe to say Peeta would most likely be at the bakery by this point. But when she knocked on the back door, Peeta’s dad came out. </p>
<p>“Katniss! Do you have something to trade today?” Mr. Mellark asked, smiling brightly at her. It reminded her of his son’s. Even though there was no relation, Katniss tried to find Prim in it too. But it was too different.</p>
<p>“Not today sir. Is your son here?” she bites, though Mr. Mellark doesn’t flinch. His smile dims and he shakes his head.</p>
<p>“No, no. He hasn’t come back to work with us since he came back,” he starts to explain. “Part of it I think is his mom, but I think with everything that’s happened…” he trails off and looks at Katniss apologetically. “Sorry. I should’ve thought of who I was talking to…”</p>
<p>“It’s fine,” Katniss says quickly, though she’s not sure if she truly believes it. “Where would he be?”</p>
<p>“Probably his house in the Victor’s Village,” he answers. “I don’t see him often enough though to really know what he’s up to. All I know is he hasn’t visited town in a couple of days.”</p>
<p>Katniss says a quick word of thanks and begins to storm off, but Mr. Mellark calls out to her. “Katniss? I know with everything that’s happened, you’re mad at him. And that makes sense. I’m not telling you how to feel. But...be nice to him when you see him, okay? Peeta’s a sensitive boy, and I know that he feels incredibly guilty for everything that’s happened. But you and I both saw everything he did, and I don’t think we should disregard that.” Katniss looks at him, startled, but nods and walks toward the Victor’s Village.<br/>
----------------------<br/>
With a shaking hand, Katniss knocks on the door. She hears some loud shuffling before the door opens to reveal none other than Peeta Mellark. His eyes widen with shock seeing Katniss on his doorstep. “Katniss?” he asks. “What are you doing here?’</p>
<p>“I got the bread.”</p>
<p>Peeta looks down sheepishly. “It’s burnt. It wasn’t charity, it was going to have to be thrown out anyway.” Katniss looks at him, trying to figure him out.</p>
<p>“You and I both know that’s not why I’m here,” Katniss states, and Peeta’s cheeks tint pink. He’s been found out. “It was the same bread.”</p>
<p>“Oh?” Peeta questions. “I had no idea.” Katniss snorts.</p>
<p>“Sure you didn’t. I’m not here to rip you to pieces Peeta - even though I wanted to - but I just want to know what you’re trying to do here.” </p>
<p>Peeta sighs. “I know what happened Katniss. I was there. Just...I don’t know, consider it a peace offering?” Katniss glares at him and is about to jump for his throat before he continues. “Not like that! I just...I know you saw the interview, and I, um…” Peeta trails off, looking down and bringing his hand to his neck. </p>
<p>And yes, Katniss had seen the interview.</p>
<p>She almost felt bad for Peeta. She thought it was just a tactic, but now Katniss realizes the feelings he outed were a-hundred percent real.</p>
<p>
  <em>“Do you have someone special at home, Peeta?” Ceasar Flickerman asks, his abnormally white teeth glinting in the light.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“No...no, I don’t,” Peeta stammers, looking past Ceaser and toward someone in the audience. At Peeta’s response, Ceaser simply laughs.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Come on, there has to be someone for that handsome face, am I right everybody!” The entire audience stands and cheers. Peeta simply curls further into himself. “Let me tell you Peeta. You win the games, and you go home and win her over. How does that sound? She could never reject that!”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I don’t think that would work for me, Ceaser,” Peeta stammers. He looks more and more nervous.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“And why is that?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Because...because...her sister came here with me. And she would want her more than me in a heartbeat.”</em>
</p>
<p>Katniss eyes widen. “It...it was real?” Peeta’s blush deepened. </p>
<p>“I thought I was so obvious,” Peeta sputters, “even Gale noticed, I think.”</p>
<p>Katniss tries to keep her composure and clears her throat. Peeta does the same. “Well, I...I’m gonna go I think.” Peeta nods. “See you later Peeta.”</p>
<p>As she’s about to leave the Village, Peeta comes running after her. “Katniss, wait!” Peeta exclaims, panting. Katniss stops and turns to face him. “I’m leaving for my Victory Tour in 4 days. I’ll be dropping off some extra bread that day. Is...is that okay?” Peeta asks nervously.</p>
<p>The corners of Katniss’ mouth turn up. “See you then Peeta.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Peeta comes back from his Victory Tour, and he shows back up at Katniss' doorstep to apologize and ask a question.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>so I am SO SORRY for not updating in so long. my only excuse is laziness. but it’s my birthday, so what’s a better time to update again?<br/>THANK YOU for all the support on this fic so far!! I appreciate it loads :) as for the length of this fic, I’m not quite sure how long this is going to be, I do, however, have most major plot points of the fic (not all of them, but a good number of things I want to happen). So we’ll see!<br/>again, thank you for all your support! enjoy chapter 3 :)<br/>*DISCLAMER: I do NOT own the Hunger Games or its characters*</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Katniss had finally gone hunting again, and her routine was starting to get back to normal.</p><p>Katniss never thought she would fully recover from her sister’s demise, and she probably never would. But she realized that going back to trading gave her a sense of normalcy where she could forget for a while. Of course, that would end once someone gave their condolences. And she hated it. But it was always at the end of her time when she traded at the Hob, so her sister’s ghost was bound to return eventually. While she didn’t appreciate the harsh reminder, she guesses it prevents her from breaking down right on the spot.</p><p>And it probably...no, it <em>definitely</em> helps that Peeta has been gone on his Victory Tour. But he was coming home today, so that was ruined.</p><p>By no means did she <em>want</em> to dislike Peeta. She knew he meant well, and he did try his best to send Prim home. Then there’s the whole ‘he’s in love with her’ thing. But instead of letting some sort of friendship develop (she refused to fall in love with anyone, even Gale), he became a constant reminder of her sister’s death.</p><p>If Katniss was completely honest, she was almost certain her sister wasn’t going to come home. She didn’t accept it by any means, but Prim is – <em>was</em> – too soft. But she expected someone from another district (someone from One or Two, most likely) to win. Then she would have to see them once, but then it would all be over. But because Peeta’s around, he’s a walking reminder of what she lost.</p><p>Damn him.</p><p>----------------------</p><p>Katniss drags herself to the train station half an hour before Peeta’s train arrives. If it were her choice, she wouldn’t even come. She would much prefer to lay back in bed near Prim’s pillow and pretend her sister was still there lying beside her. Instead, she got to go by herself to watch Peeta give a speech about how happy he is that he got to come home. If her mother had the decency to at least verbalize that she wasn’t going, maybe she would at least be in a much better mood.</p><p>When she arrives, she’s ushered to a platform with a picture of Prim hanging above it, the name ‘Primrose Everdeen’ written in curvy golden letters under her torso. She can’t bear to look at it for more than a second before tears threaten to roll down her face. And she can’t do something stupid like cry right now. Someone asks her where her mother is, but she just grumbles saying her mother won’t (or maybe can’t) get out of bed. She makes her way up the platform and barely listens when the woman with green hair and purple-ish skin rattles off instructions, just nods her head every few seconds and praying its appropriate timing. It must be, because eventually she walks away.</p><p>Eventually, more people come to the platform to see District 12’s newest victor. Katniss notices the looks of pity that those from the seam (and a few townies) give her, but she just decides to ignore them and stare down at the smooth wood of the platform. But her moment of peace is disturbed when the train speeds to the station and the doors open.</p><p>First, none other than Effie Trinket, the wonderful escort of District 12, exits the train. She has a dress fully compromised of purple feathers, and a purple wig to match it. Next, Haymitch Abernathy, District 12’s only living victor other than Peeta, stumbles out of the train. Classified as the district’s drunk, Katniss isn’t shocked this is the first victor they’ve had in a while. And then, finally, Peeta Mellark himself walks out, his hand raised in a wave and a bright smile on his face. Katniss couldn’t understand how a smile that big, fake or not, could make its way on his face. </p><p>Peeta walks up to the microphone placed in the middle of the platform. He begins a speech thanking the district for all their support, talking about how great the Capitol is, etcetera. She doesn’t pay attention until she feels Peeta’s gaze on her. She doesn’t look up initially, but when he says her name she finally looks directly at him.</p><p>His smile has disappeared from his face. In its place is a slight frown, and his eyes are flooded with guilt. Put a basket instead of notecards in his hands and he’d look almost exactly how he looked on her doorstep the day she caught him.</p><p>“Katniss,” he repeats, his voice losing some of the confidence it had before. “I’m sorry I’m the one here instead of your sister. I hope you know I grew to love her too. Not like you love her, I could never beat you there,” he stumbles, exposing to her this part was not written on the notecards in his hands. “Anyway, what I’m trying to say is I cared about her too. And I’m so, so sorry I couldn’t...didn’t save her. If I could, I would trade my life for her’s in a heartbeat. I...I hope you know that.” He breaks eye contact with her and turns back to the rest of the crowd. He clears his throat and the smile reappears on his face. “I hope you all enjoy the festivities. The first Parcel Day will be tomorrow, so be sure to come here around noon to grab yours. Thank you everyone!” The crowd cheers for him, but Katniss can’t escape fast enough. She jumps down from the platform and sprints until she can’t hear the celebratory chants from the station anymore. She sits in an alleyway and sobs. Why did it have to be him? Why did her sister have to suffer for him to come home?</p><p>She feels someone try to pick her up, but she struggles against them and tries to scream. Before she can, a hand reaches to her mouth and covers it.</p><p>“Sh, Catnip,” a male voice whispers. “It’s just me.”</p><p>Katniss looks up to find grey eyes not unlike her own. Gale. Her best friend, her hunting partner. She hasn’t seen him since picking up Prim. Though she’s gone hunting, she’s tried to avoid where she knows he’ll be as much as possible. Prim was like a sister to him, and even though he wouldn’t try to, his face would give away how much he truly is grieving. Like it is right now.</p><p>They walk to her house in silence. Tears still stream down her face, but she’s no longer openly sobbing. They finally get to her house, and Katniss throws the door open and prepares to slam it closed until Gale speaks up.</p><p>“Katniss?” he whispers, saying her actual name for the first time in, well, maybe ever. She turns to him. “I loved her too.”</p><p>She nods before she finally slams the door in his face.</p><p>----------------------</p><p>It’s not that much later when she hears a knock at the door. She’s back in bed, laying near her sister’s pillow, but not on it, to prevent Prim’s scent from leaving. She tries to ignore it, but the knocking just doesn’t stop. Katniss sighs deeply, stomps over to the door and opens it. And, as if this day couldn’t get any worse, none other than Peeta Mellark stands on the other side of the door, fist still raised. How many times was this boy going to show up unannounced?</p><p>Katniss crosses her arms and narrows her eyes attempting to make it clear she’s not going to speak first. Peeta sheepishly lowers his hand and plays with his fingers. “I know I’m the last person you want to see right now, but I really need to talk to you,” he says, his voice shaking with nervousness. Good. He should be nervous.</p><p>“You are the last person I want to see,” Katniss spits, “Make it quick.”</p><p>Peeta sighs, but doesn’t comment. “First, I want to apologize,” he starts. “I know you don’t like being the center of attention, especially right now, and I basically served it on a silver platter. Honestly, I wasn’t even supposed to say it…” he trails off, realizing that he was not helping his case. “Anyway. I’m so sorry.” After he finishes, Katniss raises an eyebrow.</p><p>“So you nearly broke my door down and ignored the fact that I’m grieving to tell me you’re sorry? About a speech? It sucked, but I think staying away would be an apology enough,” Katniss snorts. Peeta seems to take more weight on his shoulders. </p><p>“Not exactly.”</p><p>“Then what is it?”</p><p>“The Capitol. They...they want you to come with me to visit,” he says anxiously. “They want to meet you.” Katniss nearly loses it.</p><p>“Excuse me, what? They’ve never wanted to meet the sibling of any other tribute. There were others who lost their brother or sister in the games, what makes me so special?” Peeta was looking up before, but his eyes look down to the ground.</p><p>“I think we both know why they want you there,” he says brokenly. “I’m so sorry Katniss.”</p><p>Katniss forgot about that part. If she was being honest, she hasn’t digested the fact that the boy in front of her really was in love with her. She’s had more important things to think about than a petty crush a boy has on her.</p><p>“You apologize a lot,” she mumbles. “Seems like you have a lot to apologize for.”</p><p>Peeta snorts. “You don’t even know.”</p><p>They stand in silence for a while. Why Peeta was still standing there Katniss wouldn’t know. But she looks at his feet, and eventually he begins speaking again.</p><p>“Well, uh, the trip is in two weeks. I tried to push it for longer, but they wouldn’t let me,” he explains. “If they had their way, you probably would’ve been there with me at the end of my Victory Tour. But obviously that never happened,” he rambles, but closes his mouth soon after.</p><p>Katniss scrunches her eyebrows. “What if I don’t agree to go?”</p><p>Peeta’s eyes snapped up, and panic seems to spread through his body. Katniss swears she can see each of his muscles tense at her words. “As much as I would love to give you the option, believe me, it would be much better if you complied.” Katniss raises her eyebrows at his response.</p><p>“What about my mom? She hasn’t moved since…” she trails off. “She needs someone to take care of her, but I don’t want to force that onto Gale. And I don’t have the money to pay someone to do it.” At the mention of Gale Peeta’s eyes snap back down, but he doesn’t say anything. “What’s the worst that can happen if I don’t go to a party?”</p><p>Peeta isn’t looking at her, but she can see his eyes darken “Trust me, you don’t want to know.”</p><p>For a second Katniss feels...pity? Guilt? She’s not sure. All she knows is that she doesn’t know what the Capitol has done to this boy, or what they’ve threatened, because deep down she knows Peeta wouldn’t ask her to do this if it was entirely his choice. </p><p>“Fine.”</p><p>“I’ll arrange for my dad to help your mom out. Free of charge”</p><p>Katniss glares at him. “I’ve told you, I don’t need your charity.” The corners of Peeta’s point move up, but the smile is almost sad.</p><p>“It’s the least I can do. Coming is payment enough.”</p><p>He smiles a self-deprecating smile before turning away. Katniss watches until his blond head disappears from her view.</p>
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<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>While on the train to the Capital, Katniss and Peeta talk for awhile, and eventually bond.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>wow, i’m really bad at updating quickly huh<br/>so I know it kinda seems like I’m rushing the plot a bit, but trust me if I didn’t skip right to the good stuff we’d just get a lot of Katniss moping around lol. so there are a lot of ‘time jumps’ right now but once we get into the more ‘action-packed’ parts of the plot will be a lot more linear. and anything I find important within time jumps I will explain, so don’t worry!<br/>anyway, i’m officially done with high school so updates should be coming more regularly (especially since we’re still stuck in quarantine lol) <br/>just so y’all know, this chapter was originally going to be longer, but I decided to cut it shorter so that 1. the chapter didn’t end up too long and 2. so I could get this out sooner lol<br/>thank you again for all your support and reviews, and I hope y’all like this chapter!<br/>(quick tw - peeta has a nightmare, and when he explains it he alludes to someone’s suicide. he doesn’t outright SAY it was suicide, but nonetheless I wanted to mention it. there will be the start of a new section after it, so if you wish to skip it feel free to.)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Katniss was not excited for this trip. If she didn’t feel obligated to go, she probably wouldn’t have. But the pure fear in Peeta’s eyes when she even mentioned the fact of not going made the decision for her. Because even after everything, she knows Peeta is kind and he means well. He didn’t choose for any of this to happen. But even if she did hate him, she knows that the Capitol can hold a lot of things over him. She didn’t want to see what would come of that.</p>
<p>But even if she had to come, she didn’t have to enjoy it.</p>
<p>Once Effie Trinket insisted she leave her modest bag she filled with some clothes behind, she nearly called the whole thing off. Seeing Peeta’s apologetic look behind Effie’s shoulder was the only reason why she grudgingly handed her bag to Mr. Mellark to return to her house before stomping onto the train. She heard Effie mumble something about manners and Haymitch Abernathy scoffing before everyone else joined her on the train.</p>
<p>When the train starts, Katniss nearly falls over, but hands on her shoulders stop her. She turns around to see Peeta, face tinted pink, looking at her before he drops his hands and walking to the next cart over. She looks at him until he leaves and Haymitch begins to laugh. She turns to the victor, who then proceeds to laugh even harder at her glare.</p>
<p>“Sweetheart, sometimes I wonder how a boy like him loves a girl like you,” he cackles. “You’re polar opposites.”</p>
<p>Katniss rolls her eyes before walking through the door Peeta had walked through minutes before. The car is filled with chairs and couches, with Peeta sitting in one of the couches looking out the window. Peeta turns at the door opening and smiles shyly at her before turning back to the window. Katniss looks around and sits at a chair across from him. They sit in silence together for a while until Peeta breaks the silence.</p>
<p>“What’s your favorite color?”</p>
<p>Katniss looks at him in confusion. Peeta smirks. “I’m serious.”</p>
<p>She stays quiet for a moment before answering. “Green.” Peeta smiles at her response.</p>
<p>“That’s not surprising. You like the woods.” Even without the whole crush thing, this fact about her isn’t well hidden. Mr. Mellark would trade her stale loaves of bread for squirrels. It wouldn’t be surprising Peeta would know.</p>
<p>“What’s yours?” Peeta smiles and looks out the window.</p>
<p>“Orange.”</p>
<p>“Like Effie’s hair?”</p>
<p>Peeta laughs to the point he has to put his head in his hands to breathe to answer. “No, no,” he says, his face gaining a far away look as he thinks. “More like a sunset.” </p>
<p>Katniss doesn’t know how to answer, but it doesn’t seem like Peeta expected her to. He turns back to the window and they sit in a comfortable silence until the sun sets and Katniss decides to go to her sleeping car. She stands up to leave but Peeta speaks up before she can get out the door.</p>
<p>“Katniss?” he whispers, almost unsure if he should speak up. Katniss stops and slightly glances over her shoulder at him. He smiles shyly.</p>
<p>“Thank you.”</p>
<p>-----</p>
<p>The nightmares are worse tonight than Katniss thinks they’ve ever been before.</p>
<p>Maybe it was because now she could imagine what Prim’s final days outside the arena were like, even though the emotions were slightly different. Katniss wasn’t exactly a lamb to the slaughter like Prim.</p>
<p>Katniss realizes she had been woken up by incessant knocking at her door. But she must have been screaming in her sleep, because the knocking stops now that she’s awake. Soon enough someone calls her name through the door.</p>
<p>“Katniss?” <em>Peeta</em>. “Are you okay?”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” she replies, “Sorry for waking you.” </p>
<p>“You didn’t.” She can sense him hesitating to walk away, but soon enough she hears a “Goodnight, Katniss,” before he walks away without even entering the room.</p>
<p>The next night, however, Katniss woke up from another nightmare to Peeta standing over her, concern etched on his face. He had her shoulders in his hands and was shaking her, presumably to wake her up. Katniss was visibly shaking and breathing heavy. Seeing she was awake, Peeta gives her a soft smile.</p>
<p>“Are you okay?” What a stupid question. She nods her head nonetheless. “Well, then, goodnight.” Peeta takes his hands off her shoulders and turns to walk out. But he can’t leave. She’s afraid, and for some reason Peeta is the only one that makes it better.</p>
<p>“Peeta?’’ she calls right as he grabs the doorknob. He turns back to her. “Will you stay with me?” </p>
<p>He smiles and walks over to the side of the bed. Katniss moves over and he lays down in the space she created, and then she moves to put her head on his chest. Right over his heartbeat.</p>
<p>Peeta puts his arms around her before answering.</p>
<p>“Always.”</p>
<p>-----</p>
<p>After that second night, Peeta continues to stay in Katniss’ room. Every night he knocks on her door, asking the question even though he doesn’t outright ask it. Every night she says yes.</p>
<p>Despite this new sleeping arrangement, the rest of the day stays the same. Peeta seems to always be gone before Katniss wakes up, and they will occasionally chat during meals. Katniss feels guilty not speaking to him, because she knows he wouldn’t mind (and probably wants to talk to her more), but she can’t bring herself to. </p>
<p>Eventually Haymitch and Effie take notice of their new sleeping arrangement, and Effie gives them a speech about their ‘public image’ and ‘modesty’. When mentioned, Peeta blushes and tries to explain ‘it’s not like that,’ and Haymitch just laughs. Katniss storms out of the room and avoids everyone the rest of the day. That night, Peeta knocks, but it’s much quieter than usual. She lets him in anyway.</p>
<p>It’s not until a couple days into this new arrangement when Katniss realizes this is for Peeta’s benefit as much as it’s for her. </p>
<p>It starts off as a normal night, but Katniss wakes up to Peeta shaking from under her. As she’s regaining consciousness, she vaguely hears Peeta mumbling her sister’s name under his breath. But then he starts saying something else.</p>
<p>“Katniss,” he begs in his sleep. What is going on? “Katniss!”</p>
<p>At this point, Peeta is growing desperate, so Katniss decides to wake him up like he would for her. She sits up, puts a hand on his arm, and attempts to shake him awake.</p>
<p>“Peeta,” she whispers, shaking him harder when he doesn't wake up and begins to shout her name. “Peeta!”</p>
<p>He finally wakes up with a gasp, his eyes wildly roving around the room until his eyes land on her. He breathes heavily and quickly sits up. “I’m sorry,” he says apologetically, genuine guilt flooding his features. “I didn’t mean to wake you up. I don’t usually.”</p>
<p>His apology suddenly makes Katniss feel guilty. How many times has Peeta woken up from nightmares all alone? Whenever she has nightmares, she always wakes up to Peeta waking her up, or he wakes up right when she does. She doesn’t understand why he feels so guilty when she should be the guilty party. “No, I’m sorry.” Peeta’s face morphs into confusion.</p>
<p>“What could you possibly be sorry about?”</p>
<p>“I haven’t woken up whenever you have nightmares, but I wake you up with mine,” she says apologetically, looking down at her hands. But Peeta nudges her arm and she looks back up to see him smiling sadly.</p>
<p>“Most of my nightmares are about you. I’m okay once I realize you’re here,” he admits shyly. Katniss doesn’t think it necessarily makes her ignorance okay, but she nods nonetheless. They sit in silence for a while until Katniss finally breaks the silence. </p>
<p>“Do you, um, want to talk about it?” Katniss asks hesitantly. She doesn’t really like to talk about her nightmares, but maybe Peeta wants to.</p>
<p>And he does.</p>
<p>After Katniss asked if he wanted to talk about it, Peeta’s face had crumpled. “I was back in the arena,” he starts, his voice beginning to shake. “It was right after…” he trails off, and Katniss knows exactly what he’s talking about. “Anyway, all of the sudden you were just...there. And you were upset. Sobbing, actually. And then you pulled out an arrow…” Peeta’s breath hitches, and Katniss notices tears gathering in his eyes. “And you…” his voice breaks. He takes a shaky breath before attempting to finish his sentence. “And you…” he repeats, but then he releases a sob and can’t continue. </p>
<p>Katniss sits there awkwardly, not knowing what to do. The only person she’s ever comforted was Prim, and she was gone now. But maybe if she pretends Peeta is her sister for just a few moments, maybe she can actually help him.</p>
<p>She starts by pulling him into an embrace, of which he melts into. He lays his head down on her shoulder as he sobs. She brings her hand up to his back and begins to move her hand in soothing circles along his back. Peeta must cry for at least five minutes. Katniss begins to wonder, why did this have to happen to Peeta? Why did this have to happen to a boy who might be the only good person left in this world?</p>
<p>For a split second, Katniss is glad her sister is dead, because then Prim doesn’t have to go through all of this. But she drives it from her mind as soon as she thinks of it, because she never wants to wish death upon her sister. But that’s what happened anyway.</p>
<p>After Peeta starts releasing devastating hiccups, he lifts his head from Katniss’ shoulder. He tries to smile, but it just looks like a twitch in the muscle. “Thank you.” He tries to move out of her embrace, but suddenly Katniss feels a strong urge to continue to comfort him.</p>
<p>“No,” she demands, startling Peeta and herself. But she lays back anyway and opens her arms to him. “C’mere.”</p>
<p>He hesitates, but he obliges and moves into her arms. Katniss gently guides his head to where she lays hers every night. Right over her heartbeat.</p>
<p>Peeta obviously appreciates it, and he hugs her tighter before whispering another ‘thank you’ into the night.</p>
<p>-----</p>
<p>When Katniss wakes up the next morning, Peeta is still asleep. She tries to move out of his embrace without waking him up, but she fails, and soon his eyes flutter open to show his blue eyes that are still slightly red-rimmed.</p>
<p>“Good morning,” he rasps, letting go of her and sitting up. “No nightmares?”</p>
<p>Katniss shakes her head. They sit in awkward silence until Peeta gets up, explaining he’s going to get ready for the day, and walks out of her room. Katniss wants to talk to him, but what is she supposed to say?</p>
<p>Today is the day they finally arrive in the Capital, and all Katniss can think about is the reasons she shouldn't be here. Other than the obvious reason, Katniss just felt like she couldn’t fit into the glitz and glam the Capital promotes. Katniss is mud-under-the-fingernails, blood-stained clothes, and everything coming from the woods. Everything is natural. But the Capital? Natural is unheard of with all the makeup, the sky-high buildings, and even the animals. </p>
<p>While sitting in the car her and Peeta had talked in days ago, Haymitch stumbles in.</p>
<p>“Welcome to the Capital, sweetheart.”</p>
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